she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
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