we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
