Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Randomize
