you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
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I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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