well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
