i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
