Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
