I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Randomize
