what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
