i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I need a beard to bite.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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