On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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