Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
this hospital has no fireball
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
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