she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
This toilet bowl is my home.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
