I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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