forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
