The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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