They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We left the knife in your bed.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
