You can't motorboat a personality
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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