you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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