what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
