All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
