When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
