So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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