Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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