how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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