We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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