my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
