glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
