id be glad to
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
