Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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