tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
