White coat. Heels.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
