Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
