PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I think i peed on brittanys purse
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
