There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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