dude i'm inner monologue high
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
