Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
