Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
