what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
