and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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