This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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