Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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