Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
