There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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