I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
