East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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