I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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