After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
