Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
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9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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