So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
