I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize