i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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