You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize