I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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