Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize