dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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