my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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