my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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