So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
