I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
